The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
