so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
