I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
what day is it and did you see me today?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
