i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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