I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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