I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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