so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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