I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
