North Korea, Best Korea!
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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