Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
