You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
