i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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