I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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