oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
