$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
