you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
