Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
