3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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