Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
