My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
