I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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