i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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