last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i will never coherently bang her
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
