What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
