How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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