yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
"it" just moved
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
