What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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