wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
