i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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