Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
