this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
