exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
