ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
