they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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