Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
