I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
