Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
