What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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