you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
