so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
