I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
