It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
