kristin has been a bad kristin
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
