ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
