Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
