woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think I sprained my soul last night
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
