So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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