i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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