I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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