just tell him i said nine months
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
