careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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