Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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