just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
