new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
