Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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