Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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