Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
