Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize