I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
