i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
