Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
