someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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