I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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