i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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